Do You Work With A Career Narcissist? Are You One?

Fun with Photo Booth, a photo by moriza on Flickr.

Sometimes the competitive nature of the workplace brings out the worst in us—a kind of tunnel vision where we forget to see the divinity present in our coworkers or care little about their opinions or ideas.

Narcissistic traits and the inability to listen, to collaborate or to care about others can have a damaging effect on your career. But there are productive aspects to career narcissism, too.

People with these traits usually become CEOs and leaders—they are risk takers and creative visionaries. They have the unflappable ability to take the emotion out of abandoning less-than-perfect projects and they can execute layoffs with little regret.

Narcissists can be great teachers. The fruits of their labor are realized when they see underlings spread their gospel.

Just don’t mistake teaching for mentoring.  Narcissists love to be teachers but they will not groom others for success easily. That’s because there is unfortunately little in it for them when others surpass their own success.

Once a person admits to a few narcissistic tendencies, they can still manage themselves well in the workplace and avoid getting fired.

They should pick a field where narcissistic traits are valued. The sales field is the most accepted vocation for career narcissists. Other areas where they can be rewarded for risk-taking and ambition: as an artist or entrepreneur. I know what you’re thinking--sales and business leaders should be good listeners and empathizers to their client needs. But narcissists have historically been financially rewarded in these areas, in spite of themselves.

In a traditional job setting, narcissists should partner with at least one coworker to ground them. This person will remind them when they are breaking the rules or when they have gone too far. It’s not easy for this saint to act as their shock absorber—but an interest in doing what’s right for the sake of the company while they recognize the narcissist's creative genius must be really important to them.

If the narcissist is a manager, s/he should hire subordinates that are okay with hitching to their star without questioning too much. Successful, narcissistic leaders should hire folks who take direction well and willingly drink the company Koolaid. They should be happy to share the manager's mindset and to execute what they have created.

Most business experts will tell you that the sharing of information and the exchange of ideas in the workplace is the ideal. With a narcissistic leader is in their midst, subordinates who want their ideas heard are probably better suited to a more democratic organization.

Is Your Career Stuck?

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The definition of the word stuck is caught or fixed; it is a so defined as baffled.  All of these definitions apply when you are stuck in your career trajectory. To get unstuck, it’s important to break down the problem into its smallest parts before you try to fix it.

Are you stuck because you don’t know what to do next?  Very few great resumes read in a straight line. Over they years I’ve seen workers zigzag along their career paths, become independent consultants before returning to traditional roles, and also boomerang back to the companies where they started their careers. The need for flexibility is a given, but what do you do if you don’t have a clue about how to save your career?

Be bold and ask your manager and trusted co-workers what they think about how you add value. Don’t open up the conversation asking for what’s wrong with your performance—instead, ask them what they think you do best. You may be surprised to discover you are not considered the go-to person for closing new customers like you thought—you may be more admired for how you remediate problems. This is valuable feedback that you can use to figure out the next step in your career.

Just remember to keep the advice that’s useful and throw out the rest. Develop a thick skin before you ask for their opinions. People rarely offer opinions that don't include their own version of things. Once you get past the sting of any surprises, you’ll be able to tell the difference between the stuff that’s telling about you and the stuff that’s more reflective of them.

Are you stuck because there’s nowhere to go in your current role?  A lot of career paths seem to end at a brick wall. But this is rarely the case. Be objective about exploring all opportunities where you work. Have you just become impatient and given up? Think creatively—can you move laterally in a new department? Can you take on a special project with new faces, or volunteer for an interim leadership role while someone has taken a leave of absence?

Are you stuck by details that you cannot control? Often you can’t control the factors that would help accelerate your career. Your geography or your inability to travel frequently may limit your options in sales management. Your family obligations may make it impossible to pursue a much-needed secondary degree that's required to get ahead. Company politics can be a powerful thing, too—putting a few select individuals in the spotlight and leaving you in the dark. 

Try your hardest to exhaust all of your efforts before you throw in the towel over outside excuses like these.

If you must change career paths, make sure you are moving toward something you can look forward to, as opposed to just running away from your old job.

In the end, we can only work on ourselves. Focus on details within your own control, particularly your own perceptions of your career. Leave the rest to timing, serendipity and luck.

In Every Job, Someone's Selling Something...

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“It doesn't matter whether you're selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.' That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch. And you're not a human being; you're a marketing rep.”

                        --Phil Cooper, in The Big Kahuna

Wherever we end up in our career, we are always promoting our opinions, selling our ideas.

But selling implies a pitch and a product.

In your first job or two, you may find yourself drinking the company Koolaid, feigning your alignment to the organization’s mission. It will dawn on you that you’re working in the wrong job. You feel dishonest, distant. You are certain you will be found out.

On the flip side, when we are passionate about an idea and we love what we do, we don't feel like we're selling anything. We proselytize our ideas in a very different way.

Finding our passion and promoting our best ideas because they are a representation of who we are is what makes us authentic.

In the early stages of your career, it’s good to work in a few different industries and with different kinds of people and companies. Go ahead and dabble—don’t worry if your parents call you a job-hopper. Sometimes you have to know what you aren’t passionate about to appreciate how you feel when you do discover what excites you.

Have no regrets. Eventually you stumble upon a service or product that is worthy of your time and energy. Suddenly you are in the company of coworkers and clients whom you genuinely like and who like you.

And even in a difficult economy, you find yourself in a role where evangelizing your ideas is effortless.

Maximizing Your Emotional Intelligence At Work

Emotion, a photo by kenyin on Flickr.

Emotional Intelligence is a strong predictor of job performance. It’s been determined to be a driver of leadership.  Intellectual Intelligence had long been the yardstick that we used to measure career success, but it is incomplete.

If Emotional Intelligence is so important, we need to pay more attention to it.

Think of it this way. Your IQ is your gift—your raw logic—and how you are intellectually hard-wired. Your Emotional Quotient determines what you end up doing with these smarts. It’s about inspiring peers and others, responding and managing appropriately to the emotions of coworkers and bosses. It’s about managing criticism in a positive way.

Becoming more “emotionally evolved” can be learned. According to Helpguide.org, there are five key skills required for you to build a strong EI Quotient:

·      Develop your ability to reduce stress

·      Recognize and manage your emotions

·      Connect with others with verbal and non-verbal communication

·      Use humor and play to deal with challenges

·      Resolve conflicts positively and with confidence

Much of these skills equate to maturity.

If you stay focused at work and pick your fights carefully, you can walk away from toxic people and throw prayers of love their way instead of harsh thoughts. You will put your Emotional Intelligence to work.

Can you disengage from a conflict that you know will never change? Will you agree to disagree?

Can you listen with empathy to the plight of your boss when he’s having a bad day—and accept that his anger isn’t about you but he may have had a fight with his wife that morning?

Can you offer a genuine connection with your coworkers, or is the sound of your own voice more appealing to you than listening to others?

Your potential at work will be realized when your Emotional Intelligence is developed to a point when you can express yourself not at the expense of others. Self-control makes you socially responsible. You’ll be perceived as a loyal employee who is adaptable and caring.

You’ll be able to manage your time better, manage your teamwork and develop your leadership skills. Can you think of a better combination for career success?http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htmHelpguide.orgHelpguide.org

The Best Reason To Quit Your Job--Or Keep It.

Croom and the Sumo's, a photo by chem7 on Flickr.

Cultural fit is the variable in your career equation that controls how well you succeed in your job.

I know—that’s a pretty bold statement. You might stay in your job for months, even years with a strong record of results. You might be told by upper management that your skill set is valued.  Bosses will encourage you to keep at your role—because the reward for hard work well done is—more hard work.

But thriving is a different story. After a year or two, a strong performer will want to take on new projects or move onto the management track. A sales diamond in the rough will want to take on a larger sales territory. This is where cultural fit becomes crucial. If you are a top-rated employee who decides to stick with your company with the hope of getting promoted, take an honest look at the cultural similarities and differences between you and the company you invest your career in.

First: know thyself.  Figure out your own priorities before you ever accept a new job opportunity. Take a good look at your life—at what drives you and also what deadens your soul:

·      Flexible or rigid schedule—what works for you?

·      What degree of hierarchical structure feels right?

·      Does meaningful work trump a higher salary?

Dig deeper and reflect on your more personal values:

·      Do you value ethnic and age diversity?

·      Are you sports-minded?

·      Are charitable pursuits a big part of your mission?

·      Do you highly value personal privacy after work is done, or do you like to have a beer with your team?

Some signs of cultural fit will be more obvious than others. If your company is headquartered in the Rust Belt, for example, and your coworkers enjoy congregating on the weekends to watch Detroit Lions games together, you may be at a disadvantage rooting for your Giants at home in the northeast.

Once you’re on the job, you need to be especially observant about cultural fit.

·      How often are you comfortable having scheduled conversations with your manager?

·      How many management layers of approval are you comfortable with before a decision can be made?

·      Look at the employee that seems to be most valued on the team. Is their personal or professional profile anything like yours?

It’s no reflection on you if the cultural fit isn’t there. It just might be time to move on. Knowing when to cut bait is the result of an observant and reflective mind.

What's Getting In The Way Of Your Career?

Sailor crawls through the mud on his way through the third obstacle of the Tough Mudder competition, a photo by Official U.S. Navy Imagery on Flickr.

Everyone is doing their share of level-setting these days. We’re cutting back on lattes or eating out, we’re downsizing our homes and accepting the research that says most of us will earn our highest salaries in our forties. But we hold out hope that our jobs will get bigger.

In spite of a salary freeze or a layoff, we know we have more to contribute to the world—we’re motivated and refuse to give in to career complacence. That we can push our career envelope further is the American Dream, and whether we intend to earn more, grow our own business or get promoted, we believe there’s always another rung on the career ladder to climb.

If this rings true for you, make sure you eliminate common obstacles that are getting in your way. Consider if you’re sabotaging your efforts with these missteps:

You haven’t found a place of peace.  There’s always a lot to learn before you get ahead in your career—but if you’re in turmoil, it’s impossible for you to get to the next step. If your mind is always churning over team politics or you are preoccupied with the next round of company layoffs, you can’t possibly be open to new career possibilities. Your brain is too busy to form strong partnerships. While you’re learning and planning your next move, find a quiet place in your mind and accept your current circumstances for what they are. Get calm so that you’ll be open to new opportunities without any attachment to the outcome.

You think you can grow your career alone.  When you’re in a good job, reach out to others in your network to offer help in their careers. When you need a job, reach out to those same folks for support. No one can grow a career or a business in a vacuum—it’s important to get out of your comfort zone and collaborate with others.

You’ve succumbed to Social Profile Envy.  Especially on LinkedIn, the profiles you see are professional branding messages, devised to make everyone appear in their best light. Would it help to know that most people don’t know three quarters of the 2,000 connections they are connected to? Put this in perspective, and try to be truthful when you create your own professional profile.

You’re using the same career-building tactics you used in your twenties.  The career landscape has changed drastically and so have you. It doesn’t make sense to deploy the same strategies you used when you landed your first job. Get a pair of fresh eyes to peruse your resume. Is it specialized (good) or have you portrayed yourself as The Master of Everything (old school)? Ask a friend or recruiter to rehearse an interview with you—is your suit too formal? Do the examples you’ve chosen as your greatest work put you in the best possible light?

Remember this. Sometimes what has to change in order to move ahead in our career is not the economy or the business landscape—just our perception of it.

Lessons You Should Teach Your Kids About Career Moves

Teacher In Classroom, a photo by www.audio-luci-store.it on Flickr.

If you’re a parent, no doubt you’re taking stock of last year’s career milestones and you’re considering your goals for the year ahead with your family in mind. Beyond pondering how your career will affect your family’s schedule or how you’re going to pay for college, consider how the actions you take in your career decisions impact your children’s outlook on their own careers. Here are a few lessons worth imparting to your next generation of workers:

Remind them that the professional relationships they create in every job move will stay with them throughout their careers.  If a career is done right, whether you stay with one company for twenty years or you change jobs every few years, it’s important to forge relationships with colleagues early on. There will be mentors in your midst, mentees, and business visionaries who become our role models. Remind your kids that it’s okay to lean on these relationships in order to grow and learn. And during inevitable times of downsizing, these are the advocates who will champion for us when we require job leads, referrals or sound career advice.

There’s something to learn at every job—good or bad.  Don’t change jobs until you learn something.  The full lesson may not be completely clear until you are long gone from the situation, but don’t abandon a role without gaining some understanding of what made the situation fail. Toxic bosses teach you how not to lead. Benevolent mentors bowl us over with generosity and teach us to pay it forward in our next gig.

Whenever you can, participate in a variety of project teams.  Even if your kids decide to work for themselves, being a lone ranger is not a recipe for success. They will still need to collaborate with clients and vendors. They will rely on referrals and form partnerships. Experience from the collaborative effect of teams is a powerful lesson. Point out that there will be backstabbers and there will be cooperators on most teams—but it’s their decision whom to emulate.

A job’s not supposed to be fun—that’s why it’s called work; but try to have fun anyway.  If you make a conscious choice to enjoy some aspects of even the most mundane job, it will be more tolerable. All of us remember the worst job we’ve had, and hopefully over the years we’ve learned to laugh about it. Tell your kids that while they are looking for  better job, they should look for moments of job mastery, some level of autonomy, and opportunities to collaborate with good people in any role they have.

Whether you impart these lessons to your children in a formal conversation or not, you are always leading by example. If you are depressed by a long job search, show your kids where you’ve had a small win (a job lead through networking, a great conversation with an industry leader). Try not to wear a gloom and doom cloud over your head when you talk about the economy or the job market. Reminisce about the joy you’ve felt in your career in years past. Because whether you want to or not, you are planting the seeds for your children’s attitudes about work.